Episode One: Popping Mary Berry's Cherry (cake)

I (I being Jessica, unless its typed in italics, in which case it's Heather) would love to say that our first Takes and Bakes started at the beginning. Unfortunately we are American (a statement which can be applied to many aspects of American life) which means that our first episode was NOT season 1 episode 1, but season 5 episode 1. Blame Netflix (or PBS).  Regardless it was the first episode that either of us saw, so it is significant. The episode's three bakes were: a Swiss Roll Signature, Mary Berry's Cherry Cake (technical), and a Show Stopper featuring 36 miniature British Cakes. What makes a cake British? It's got a great accent and doesn't like strong displays of emotion. Obviously. Now, let's get into some HOT TAKES!!! If you haven't seen this episode what are you doing with your life, and also there are going to be spoilers. You have been warned. 

Hot Takes: Baker Edition!

Claire She has a bull mastiff named Trevor. Why is it so delightful when animals, like bull mastiffs or toads, have posh human names? I don't know but I love it. Claire loves a 'chunky cherry' (see the video for Heather doing a WONDERFUL Claire impression.) Claire was a hot mess from start to finish, and we were not surprised to see her go. 

Jordan  Jordan did not pull out decorating cherries. Merry did comment. It was brutal. One word to describe Jordan's baking... moist. Yeah. We don't like it either.  Also Jordan... you know what kawaii is. And we know you know what kawaii is. Stop playing friend. Embrace it! And embrace the baby incisor teeth thing you’ve got going on! Baby incisors of the world UNITE!

Luis: Luis passed away in 2020, which is very sad because he was a delightful contestant, and seemed very kind. RIP Luis. Other things of note about Luis, he kept bees! He didn't approved of the "all in one" method of the technical, but did it anyway BECAUSE HE IS SMART and didn't try to modify the recipe! Particularly delightful take: his name is Luis, his wife's name is Louise, which is just an amazing combination. And I speculate that his family pronounces the “s” in his name, as his mother was Spanish,  and so they would be Luis and Louise, which fills my heart with joy. Now comes the most pipette controversy of 2014. Luis really pushed the boat out for his signature challenge. He put his lemon drizzle into a pipette so that the eater could self drizzle. I personally am pro pipette. It allows me to control my drizzle destiny, which I like!  Were the pipettes clinical? Yes. Was it a fun idea? Also yes. Heather can fight me. Sure, I’ll fight. It’s a waste of resources and I don’t want to do work while eating dessert. Just slather that cake in drizzle for me from you multi-use baking tools and let me relax! Are you team pipette or team relax? 

Norman: Norman is the most adorable man and we want him to be our grandpa. That's it. That's the take. Note that I just want him to be my grandpa. I do not want to marry him. I may live in Utah, but I’m not Mary Crosby from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. (Look it up.) 

Richard: Richard is a gem of a human being. He is just a gem. And any man who says it’s a blessing to have three daughters is 

Little baby lambs: The true stars of the show. 

I think that about covers it. Now lets move on to...

Hot Takes on the Bakes!

The Signature Challenge: The signature challenge was a Swiss Roll. Now, I have never made a Swiss roll, but I feel like the judge's standard for how many rolls are required are very high. Honestly if I managed to make a cake tube with filling I would have been very happy. But no! If you don't have 700 spirals what are you even doing? As far as which bake this writer would like to eat? Martha's Tiramisu roll, 100%. Look, I’m into Norman’s, but in a grand-daughterly sort of way.

The Technical Challenge: Well we baked this, but I don't know that we had many hot takes. There was some mistakes made with cherry chopping. There was huge variation in frosting thickness. The nerves were thick. 

The Showstopper: See above for the hot takes on Luis pipettes. I would vote to eat Norman's or Chetna's. Just a classic Victoria Sponge.  As for the star baker even thought Nancy can't say cointreau (welcome to the stage below Heather) she did have the most consistent bakes, and her showstopper looked stunning. 

THE BAKE!!!

Not only do we have takes, we completed our first bake: Mary Berry's Cherry Cake! Very exciting stuff, and not just because, much like Sue, we get to say that we popped Mary's Cherry (insert inappropriate giggles). Because we have both seen the episode (like.... 4 times, it's fine I live a very full life) we both knew enough to make sure that we rinse our cherries in a sieve and then flour. Please welcome once again... Heather.

 

The themes of this, our very first bake of Takes and Bakes were doubt, panic, and an immense struggle with the metric system.  You would think that having a full recipe would eliminate the crushing sense of doubt that we were doing EVERY SINGLE THING wrong. You would be wrong. First this batter was THICK. I genuinely thought we were making cookies not cake. The batter was not poured. It was spooned. Then there was the discussion on what it meant to grease the pan, should we sugar? Do we use butter or spray? I chose to butter. Heather chose to spray. (Both technically worked, but the spray definitely lead to a quicker cake release.) Luckily we had our first special guest, the one, the wonderful Missy Murray Dearden. She was like a soothing balm to our worried souls. 

Its just the Zucchini bread of cake! Of course!

After a quick visit while the cakes were baked and cooled it was time to get back to the kitchen. The cakes rose, came out of the pans, and looked totally edible! WIN! We toasted our nuts (heh heh heh), halved our decorating cherries, and made frosting. In a real goldilocks situation Heather started too thick, while I stared too thin. Too thick was obviously the way to go, because when it came to the decorating, mine ran off the sides of my cake like a waterfall, which is not what I was chasing. It's fine, it's fine, I'm fine. Heather had to encourage hers over the edge in a glorious cascade. But you know what? We did it! we made the cake! And look, we have proof!! 

Heather's cake

Jessica's cake

Then... we had to taste. Heather's husband Austin was her taster. My cats were uninterested, so I had to taste my own. 

Jessica's review: The cake was good, it was a little dry. I think I could have done with more cherries (I definitely started short). My icing was a HOT MESS, but it did the job. I really liked the toasted almonds. Would I make it again? Yeah, probably, but only if I had people to help me eat it. 

This is a pretty crumbly cake, likely due to the almond meal. It tastes just fine, but don’t expect something like birthday cake. Also, the cake had a nice level of sweetness, but the icing was completely, overpoweringly sweet. It had no flavor, unless powdered sugar is a flavor. I would improve upon it by adding vanilla or almond extract. I would certainly make this again if I were having a GBBO themed party, but it probably won’t become one of my signature bakes.